with you

all these years , i've practically done everything alone . obviously at a certain age , guys would start to feel lonely without a partner . im honestly sick with this single life that i have been having till now . i've never really been into a relationship before . but , it's not because of that i want to be in a relationship so i choose you . after few incidents , it allows me to see clearly who to choose and whos not to be . it's just that i really want to spent my time with you cause im sure that you're the one worth spending time with . i really dont want to have dinner alone .. i dont want to walk on the streets alone .. i dont want to sit in class alone .. but all i can do now is to sit aside and see all those guys which are smarter , funnier , richer , more goodlooking that are trying to be in your world too . it really hurts me everytime he does or says something secretive to you . i always fake a smile and wishes him good luck with you eventho it really hurts me lots. it's really dumb for me to be in this situation where i cant do anything . i just really hope that you would somehow notice this and understand how i feel . :(

changes in you .

im really happy when we're getting into a conversation online . after 2 years and after so many things that have happened , i can see huge changes in you . previously you would only wear jeans to class everyday , wear a simple sport shoes instead of those high heels and acting like those stuck up girls . but wow .. look at you girl . you've changed completely . yeah , you've change , along with you're attitude too . it's a fact that i don't really get the chance to approach you but at least i can notice those changes of you as a friend . it's a fact that you looked preety , you're originally smart and you understand and comprehend things better then the rest . it's also a fact that you're much more into him then me . honestly , i've been hearing millions of times from people saying that : " dude , you gotta be friends with her first , after that , you become closer friends , and then , you only get to be with her . " . as if i wouldn't want to take my first step and be her friend first . i did all i can , and i feel that like i've already failed from the first step i've taken . from my own opinion , she is still much more into him . i wouldn't want to talk much about that him because i seriously respected him and sees him as one of my good friend . he just knows how to catch her heart even though they seldom talk face-to-face . damn he's good . and yeah , probably nobody knows why im into her . maybe all i need to do is to just let it be .

you're going DOWN !

a fight ? no ! a competition ? no ! then what is it ?it my weight . just to think about it , many people had been pin-pointing on my weight and size after i'd graduated from high school . everytime a person comment about stuffs regarding my weight , i would just smile and maybe reply with a "hahaha!" . those were the times when i didnt even bothered what others were saying . but hey , think about it yourself ivan , you are not tall at the first place , and you still want yourself to be fat ? no ! you are already short and fat ! you are 70kg man . it's considered obese with the height you're having . you think you really looked good with those tight fit clothes on you ? hell no ! worst still , you really think those compliments from your buddies saying you looked fit and strong are true? fuck no ! but yeah , saying does not counts . action speaks louder than words . do it to prove that you're a guy who is consistent and a man of his words . do it !